Culmination

When things come together they can also fall apart. If you pack a snowball too tightly, pieces of it fall off. Such is the way that the last few days have gone for me. Some things finally have come together for me which in turn has caused other things to fall apart. Anyone who has been deeply involved in my life as of late knows exactly what I am talking about. Others that know me still can probably have a general idea of what I mean. I want to pick up the pieces that have fallen off, and put i back together, but this is an impossible task. I have said it myself that these types of things are a lot of work and are extremely emotional and stressful and wonderful and special and awful all at the same time, but since this is the first time I have been in this situation in well over a year, I have forgotten just how true it really is. I cannot believe that I am going to screwed over again, for if I do, my life will officially be absurd. If things fall apart soon and this summer is a crappy one, than I think it will probably carry over into next year. And I don't want to have the stress of back home follow me out into Virginia where things are going well. Unfortunately I live two lives. One in Colorado and one in Virginia. I wish I could just focus on one right now, but when things are calm in one life of mine, they fall apart in another. I hope its not too much to ask for but, if god reads my blog (and I think he did recently), I would hope I could have two of the best weeks of my life, so that when I go home this summer, things out there won't bother me so much. So....I don't know, it just sucks that it's never easy.

Weighted pessimism

Sometimes pessimism is my best friend. It keeps me from getting too hopeful, or too excited or anxious about all the things that are coming up in my life. I try to remain pessimistic about my trip this summer by saying that it probably won't be that much fun, although I am pretty sure its going to be six incredibly memorable days. I try to tell myself that my grades aren't going to be that good, although I am probably going to be getting straight A's or close. I try to tell myself that my life isn't that good right now, although it seems that with every passing day another good thing happens to me, I catch another break, another piece fits into the puzzle. It is all good, and there in lies the problem. I am fighting a war between my head and my heart. My heart wants to be jubilant everyday, and be excited about everything happening and wants to take everything as it is. My head is screaming for me to stop, settle down, and realize that something will come along soon enough to screw up everything I have working for me lately. So here is what I do: I let my heart take actions during the day and make the decisions about how I live my life, but I listen to my head so that I stay grounded and focused and don't get too far ahead of myself. I hope that my head is wrong, and that that everything will continue on like it has lately, but if it doesn't, I'll be glad I kept my head about things. It is kind of like a hope for the best, expect the worst type of theory for my life right now.

Sky's The Limit

So I usually write when I am in a real bad mood, but I think it's important for me to make a post when I am in a really good mood as I am now. For the record, my life is damn near perfect write now. I got a rythym going. It seems to be all about rythym. I get up (tired because I am stupid and never get to sleep when I need to), go to classes, nap, lunch, take care of business in the afternoon, and then hang out all night, every night. And while I do all of these tasks things just seem to be going my way the whole way. All the fillers of my daily events are making my life that much better. IE the weather kicks ass right now, I am working out and feel myself getting in a little better shape all the time, my workload for all my classes is tolerable, and dare I say it somewhat enjoyable. I go up every night and see my girls upstairs, go to bed at night and talk about all my good things with my room mate and his girl, I wake up and hang with my boyz accross the hall. I listen to music and cruise. I find enjoyment in everything I do. The things that used to bother me seem to roll off my shoulders easier. I feel like I have everything that I want and ultimately it makes me be what I want. If I can be who I want than everything else can fall into place. Its like Biggie says, the mind and the body that it comes in is a terrible thing to waste. So in the mood I am in right now, the sky is the limit.

The Pyramid

I like to rate things. I like to rate people, personalities, situations, you name it I rate it. And this rating system also applies to my life. And how I rate my own life often depends on what aspect of it I choose to rate. There is this pyramid that shows the basic needs of human survival. I learned about it in psychology years ago, Maslow's hierarchy it's called. The pyramid starts with the most basic needs such as the need for survival. The next level is safety. On this level is talking solely about the basic need for safety, like in a safe country or neighborhood. Next level is social acceptance (obvious things apply here). Next level is esteem, and the top level is self actualization. I think at the best moments of my life I was at that self-actualization level. And let me tell you it is like an analogy better than any one ever used. I think at this second I would have to be teetering on social and esteem, but I am climbing. I think that essentially as long as I continue to climb I can like country music....does that make sense?