Good days are rarely reflected on, usually just the bad. It's easier for us to have a good day and turn out the lights at night and say "that's it". Likewise, it's just as easy to have a bad day and sit in bed at the end of it and think "that sucked" or "why does this happen to me"? It's not a fault of anyone who agrees with this, I think it's just human nature. But today was a good day. And I am reflecting on it. I got up fairly refreshed. Had a nice lunch. Talked with my girl and her room mate on the phone as I sat in the sun with the window rolled down in my car. I drove home and enjoyed the CD I was listening to in the car. Sat outside and read Sociology. And grilled a steak, on the roof...end of day. Now that, by all means is the most routine of routine days. Nothing special happened, it isn't a day that I will probably remember specifically down the line. But it is what it is. And it was a good day. And I am changing the direction of my blog (back to it's original purpose), so that I can reflect on days like this. Because, reflecting on this day makes me appreciate it. It makes me appreciate my girl, it makes me appreciate steak, it makes me appreciate JACK BAUER. It was just a day though, unordinary to thousands of other days like it, or of other people's days. But maybe that is the point. Maybe days like today are what it's all about. If one can find beauty in an average day like today, then they seem more likely to find the beauty in all that surrounds them. And perhaps that's what god intended for. For days like this to be appreciated. That doesn't mean that tomorrow may not be horrible, or disastorous, just because I appreciate today, it just means that today was good. It is what it is
PS. The main reason I am reformatting my posts back to more personal experiences is because as my life begins to resume its normalcy in the coming weeks and months, I will have more to reflect/write on. Also by popular demand of faithful readers ;)
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Leukemia chromosomal abnormalities
That's right! Those are the kind of words I am getting used to. And as I cannot focus on my all important reading right now, I think I am just going to right out my medical issues or not issues as I understand it. If you understand the following, you must either be a doctor or have cancer, or are just plain smart. I am a 21 year old male with a history of Ewing's Sarcoma. No residual disease is evident at this time from either initial diagnoses or relapse which occured 12 months off therapy. After nine months of chemotherapy for treatment for relapse, a routine bone marrow test was done. The test did not show any evidence of Ewing's sarcoma nor had it at any point. But Cytogenetics tests were disconcerting showing many chromosomal abnormalities. Chromosomes 1, 15, and I think 18 all showed clones. After another follow up bone marrow two months later the chromosome abnormalities were only limited to chromosomes 1 and 15 where part of chromosome 1 had broken off and gone to 15. In effect the tests were improving. Blast levels have always been well below 20% and there is no other evidence of a secondary AML (Acute Myeloma Leukemia) or CML (chronic myeloma leukemia) developing. The only other abnormality lies in routine CBC's where MCV levels have been slightly elevated (avg. 103.0 in a normal range of 80-97.0) but these levels have been at this level for at least 7 months and have not risen that much....
So what does that mean? I don't feel like explaining. But it does make me wonder, do all people who have been around cancer for such a long period of time have such an understanding of things that they can look at such a case, interperet it, and have little or no emotions in day to day reports of such? I don't know that either. What I do know is that emotions do sway opinions. I have always felt it necessary to keep my emotions in check when dealing with such things, although it doesn't always happen, for, I am human. But that doesn't mean it doesn't plague me, nor does it mean that I have no feelings on all these things, it is simply my way of coping. We all have ways of doing so, and what I reported above is not necessarily bad news, its just news. Take it in stride.
So what does that mean? I don't feel like explaining. But it does make me wonder, do all people who have been around cancer for such a long period of time have such an understanding of things that they can look at such a case, interperet it, and have little or no emotions in day to day reports of such? I don't know that either. What I do know is that emotions do sway opinions. I have always felt it necessary to keep my emotions in check when dealing with such things, although it doesn't always happen, for, I am human. But that doesn't mean it doesn't plague me, nor does it mean that I have no feelings on all these things, it is simply my way of coping. We all have ways of doing so, and what I reported above is not necessarily bad news, its just news. Take it in stride.
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